Twas the Day Before He Turned Five

I knew his birthday was going to be hard for me this year.  We never expected Nathan would be our last child.  We're not sure if he is, but God has said no to multiple pregnancies in the last three years.  

Three and four are my favorite ages.

And so there I was, spending my last day with my last four year old.  I've had over a decade of toddlers.  They've brought so much joy and innocence and sweetness to my days.  {I had a similar feeling to when I graduated from college.  I distinctly remember driving away out of Chicago feeling so sad.  I had looked forward to it my whole life, and then in an instant it was over.}  I'd actually been dreading his birthday.  For everything it represented.  No more toddlers.  I really really love toddlers.  I really really love babies.  I'm not ready to close this part of my life, but it feels, at times, that it's being forced upon me.  Still, I know that God has ordained this season of life, but it's not what I would've chosen.  That might be terrible of me to write down, but it's how I feel.  I keep waiting for that day that I will wake up and feel fine about it and to feel ready to close this chapter of grieving so many losses so close together.  It hasn't happened yet.  That book is still being written.  But at the same time, I can say my trust in God hasn't wavered.  I know He is perfect and good and holy.  I know that this is not all about me and how I'm feeling.  This is about Him pursuing me and giving me exactly what I need for my joy in Christ.  

So back to Nathan's birthday.  This was his last day being four.  I found myself hanging around him all day thinking about the "lasts."  This may be my last time to roll through Target with my four year old.  So, of course, we had to get pop and popcorn.

You have to admit that he's adorable.

His last four-year old shower.

 And his last tuck into bed being four :(

Yes, I was crying.  He didn't notice so it's all good.  We read books like Thomas and Caps For Sale and  others that I know he will soon outgrow.

How can it be that on one hand, I'm so happy that he's healthy and happy and five. 

But on the other hand missing him like this...

Happy Birthday, Nathan.

I love you a million and one.

Halloween 2013 {and some reminiscing}

Don't hate me, but Halloween is not my most favorite holiday.  In fact (don't hate me for this either), I usually begin listening to Christmas music the day after Halloween.  Anyway, I did the, "Hey kids, it's 4:30 and it's about time you thought about your costume because we have to go in about an hour."  Not the mom of the year, but you still get candy out of the whole deal so it's all good. 

Asher came up with this.  I can't remember who he said he was, but someone from the Red Sox.  

Graham was a Texas Tech Red Raider, Samuel was Joe Mauer (maybe for the 5th year in a row), Jopie put on his batman sweatshirt, and Nathan was a Wolverine.  I didn't even take a picture of them together because their costumes were a little underwhelming.  

What I do love about Halloween is that it's a great excuse to get together with friends.

These kids have known each other since they were babies.  And it's strange that some of them are old enough to be (almost) too old for Halloween.  How did that happen so quickly??

We went to a one friend's house, had some delicious chili, and the kids passed out candy until we ran out of candy.  Then we walked over to another friend's house and handed out candy until we ran out over there.  I think we figured out that we gave candy to about 1,200 trick or treaters in just over an hour.  It was only slightly chaotic.

Then there was the trading of candy.

This is the best part of Halloween, dumping it all out onto the table, and beginning the candy auction.

In the end, Samuel got to pass out some candy.  He'd only asked me about 25 times this week if he could hand out candy, so I'm glad he had the chance to do it.

He was so happy.

And just for a little history...

Me and Cry Cry, when he was only a month old trick or treating on Grand Avenue in St. Paul.

When they were all little.  And notice how Cry Cry is crying.

How cute are Mary and Elsa in their Little House on the Prairie costumes?

A year later.

Now I have to go and cry just a little bit ;)

A Fun Snack

You've probably seen this one floating around Pinterest.  That's where I saw it.  I had picked up a big 'ole box of Ritz crackers at Costco.  I usually buy the healthier crackers or just Saltines, but I think I was hungry when I went shopping so I came back with the jumbo box of Ritz.  

Well, since we already had the crackers I picked up some Rolos at the store.  And Graham and Nathan helped me make this very easy snack.  

First you unwrap the Rolos.  Then you place them on the cracker.

Then you smile big in your Wolverine costume.  

Then you put them in an oven (350 degrees) for about three or four minutes.

Then you take them out and smash another cracker on top.

Everyone loved them.

He gave it a thumbs up.

He thought they were pretty good too.

Hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween!

A Fall Night on the Porch

 Our fall has been a little crazy.  I think this is our new norm as our kids get older.  In this season of kids, we have left behind the chaos of toddlers and gained the busyness of older kids and their activities.  But in the winter, we take a break.  We get to spend evenings at home being together.  I'm so looking forward to it.  Our activities are winding down and I'm hoping to spend more nights like this.  

Here Chris is reading Where the Red Fern Grows to the boys while we eat a light supper.  And by a light supper, I mean peanut butter and banana toast :) 

{the color version}

{the black and white version}

{the sepia version}

Which version do you like better?  

Here's a little peak into our school room.  I spy a list of prepositions on the left and and some common and proper nouns on the right ;)

I love all these boys.  And I look forward to many more evenings on the porch just like this one.