Wednesday, October 31, 2012

An Announcement!

Well, in case (once again) you thought I fell off the face of this Earth, I'm still here.  Barely.  But I'm here.

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Well, usually I like to hear the bad news first to get it out of the way, but my bad news won't make sense without telling you first of this very good news.

I'm pregnant!

It feels very real to put this out there in cyberspace... especially after struggling with miscarriage.  But I'm 12 weeks along.  We've heard the heartbeat, had a good sonogram, and here's for the bad news, I'm feeling terrible.  Like my OB says, "I'm sorry you feel sick, but I'm glad you feel sick."

Pregnancy is a tough road for me.  Emotionally and physically.  I feel nauseated all day long.  Like all day.  Like from when I first open my eyes to when I go to sleep at night.  And if I don't eat enough I start to throw up, but the last thing I want to do is eat.  And everything makes me gag.  We've changed our soaps, laundry detergent, and deodorant, because eventually every smell, even the good ones, can send me over the edge.  So emotionally, this is wearing on the whole family.  When Mommy's down, nothing functions right.  We haven't done school.  I think we started week one and then I got sick.  We haven't unpacked or organized the house, which I desperately need to do.  Chris has done all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and handling everything else with the boys.  We are a sight to see around here.  There's a lot of catching up to do when I start to get some energy back.  All of this is taxing on me emotionally.  I am, by nature, a doer.  I feel best when I am busy, organized, and in control of my day.  Months of barely squeaking by are overwhelming to say the least.  It really brings out the worst in me.  I don't handle nausea well.  I can work like a dog through a fever or a cold, but nausea makes me crazy.  It's a true trial for me, and one that I've never yet been able to handle with a joyful heart.  For those first couple of weeks, I can be optimistic and semi-happy, and then the weeks wear on, and I lose my stamina.  Anyone have any words of wisdom for me on pressing on?

More good news.  This should all end soon, and then I'll forget all about being sick and will be looking forward to having another baby.  Then I'll get pregnant again and wonder what I was thinking.  It's a cycle that's gone on for most of my late 20's and 30's :)

A special thanks goes out to:

My dad:  For rescuing us, flying here twice to help us.  He came in like Mary Poppins and cooked and cleaned and grocery shopped and cared for my children.  Dad, your secret is out.  You may have outworked, out cooked, and outserved Joyce this last week.  And that is no small feat.

My sweet, sweet husband:  For coming home and doing EVERYTHING!  Like coming home to the trails of what we did all day, and ate all day, and played with all day.  It's no small task working a full time job and coming home to a full time job.  And a crabby wife.  He deserves a medal, never mind that, a trophy.  A big trophy!  Love you, Chris.

I've been blogging for awhile, but am a novice when it comes to networking with other bloggers.  In other words, I feel dumb trying.  Like especially when that blogger has like thousands of followers.  For some reason, I can't stand feeling like a groupie, even though I am one, you know?  Sarah has never made me feel that way.  After past emails back and forth about her miscarriages and mine, she was one of the first I wanted to tell about this pregnancy.  And I know she totally understands this feeling sick thing, for her even more so because I have never had anything close to hyperemesis.  But as I reread her post on hyperemesis while I was sick, I sat there and cried because it was so much what I felt.  To a lesser extent, but it's nice to know someone out there understands.  So thanks, Sarah, for being my first blogging friend :)  People named Sarah are so great, aren't they?


Since I wrote this, I'm already feeling a little better.  I've had some better days and I'm not gagging my way through the day quite as much.  Even today, I have the smallest amount of energy.  I'm so so grateful... almost 14 weeks.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us the gift of this new little one.