Why I Cried at Goodwill

I wrote this almost a year ago and didn't know if I would ever post it.  It seems appropriate because today is the 3rd anniversary of the day we found out, at nearly 16 weeks, that our baby's heart wasn't beating.  Life has gone on, in a good way.  But still, sometimes (mostly unexpectedly), sadness returns in the little things, and makes you cry with a kind stranger at Goodwill.

It was a good high chair.  It had this handy tray that popped off that was so easy to clean.  It was an unobtrusive high chair.  It didn't have lots of crevices for food to get stuck in.  It fit both babies and toddlers.  We got it when Asher was a baby.  It's served us well.

It was a good swing too.  It rocked all of my babies.  Graham liked it, but he was such a good baby, he liked anything you put him in.  Asher couldn't have survived without it.  He cried if you DIDN'T put him in the swing.  Samuel didn't care for it much... he just liked being held.  Joseph loved it and took many naps swinging back and forth.  Nathan, well, he was Cry Cry.  So he cried in it.  

There wasn't anything magical about either of them, except that my kids spent hundreds of hours in them, the high chair especially.  They ate their first birthday cake in it.  All boys were so happy in their high chair.  I would put them in it while they watched a Thomas show with a snack.  I would put them in it with some crayons to color with or a special toy when they were melting down.  Sometimes babies and toddlers need boundaries and the chair was a good boundary.  It was a part of their growing up. 

Baby Graham

Asher's first birthday

Samuel's 2nd birthday.

He didn't want to touch the frosting ;)

Nathan

Baby Nathan

Joseph

This was on Asher's 5th birthday, about a month before I had Nathan.

Nathan's first birthday

Just a typical dinner hour.

Christmas morning, not so long ago.

Watching his brothers play in the snow.

 But then one day we found ourselves not using the high chair anymore.  When we moved into the new house, it sat in the garage for a long time and we pulled it out when friends with babies came over.  We thought we would eventually have another baby.  But then instead, we had miscarriage after miscarriage.  There wasn't a reason to keep it anymore. 

We were cleaning out the garage on a Saturday and we put them in the back of the van to take to Goodwill.  I'm thankful that Graham and Asher were with me, because I might have totally lost it otherwise.  The man on the right told me he had a three-week old baby girl and might keep it himself.  That made me feel a little better.  I tried to hold back my tears.  I told him it was a really good chair.  He might have thought I was slightly crazy, especially when I asked to take a picture of it.

Then I drove away.  Asher and Graham were sad too.  We talked about how sweet all those years were.  The day went on.  We went back to cleaning out the garage, and the general chaos of the day.  

It was a good swing.  And it was a good chair.