National Park Trip 2016 {Grand Teton NP-Phelps Lake}

Trip Advisor was our BFF on this trip.  How DID people plan things without iPhones?  We were anxious to see pretty things and looked up "family friendly hikes."  Someone suggested the hike to Phelps Lake.  At its base is the Laurance S. Rockefeller Preserve Center, which is really cool architecturally, and a great place to rest after hiking.

This was an easy hike, definitely enough to make you feel a little out of breath, but not crazy tired.  It's mostly wooded, and you pass small waterfalls and streams along your hike.  

After about a couple of miles, you walk up to this view!

It was a moment for me, as a parent, to hear my kids get so excited to see such beauty.  They were in awe, and so was I.

Clear, shallow, cold water that turned into a pretty blue/green color.  It beckoned to the boys.  They were loving it.

The way down was much easier.

But still, Nathan needs lots of breaks ;) 

Asher outside the Laurance S. Rockefeller Preserve Center.

National Park Trip 2016 {Driving to Jackson}

The drive from Greeley to Jackson looked a lot like this.  We had packed a lunch and were trying to find a pretty spot to eat lunch, and this spot called to us.  Wide open space, with the mountains in the distance.

Chris took the boys for a little walk and had the camera. 

I guess Asher wasn't around for the individual pics ;) 

Our first "eating out of the cooler in the car" lunch.

We had some cabins rented in a KOA just outside Jackson.  They were on the Snake River.

Playing with rocks never gets old, at any age.

Our adorable little cabins, and Grandma always up to playing games.

And tucking in, excited for the Tetons the next morning.

National Park Trip 2016 {The Driving, Garden of the Gods, & Greeley}

National Parks have always been near and dear to my heart.  Although, I have to admit, I haven't been to very many.  I almost worked at one during one my summer breaks in college, and I can't remember why I didn't end up doing it.  I remember looking at maps (this was pre-internet...am I dating myself here??) and pictures at the library, deciding which one I should apply to.  It never panned out to do it then, but whenever I see pics of families in front of National Park signs, it makes me painfully jealous.  I don't really get too jealous seeing others at Disney or Sea World or gorgeous resorts, though those are fun too.  But trekking around the country as a family, seeing beautiful things, walking, hiking, seeing things that are so amazing that you just have to stop and stare.  When things are so pretty, all you can do it sit down and try to stamp it forever in your memory, to see all the variety of things that God made.  I want to experience these things with my kids.

The down side... SO much driving.  We spent the first day and a half driving to Greeley where some of my family lives.  

There was lots of this... my blonde-headed sleepers.

Headphones are a blessing from above :)

Our first fun stop was at Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs.  Can we just move to Colorado Springs so that we can come here in the afternoons after we finish school?  That would be dreamy.  Colorado, why are you so far away?

The boys loved climbing on the rocks, of course.

They had the best walking trails.

We got back in the car right as the sun was setting, had some Hurley House granola as a snack (Doesn't HH granola look good in Colorado?!) and headed to Greeley.

My aunt and cousins live in Greeley, who I wish lived down the street from us so we could do more of this... just hanging out at the pool.  The boys loved her kiddos and a day didn't feel long enough to see them.  But it was still fun to touch base for one crazy day.

The next morning we got up EARLY to head to Grand Teton National Park.  Even McDonalds tastes better in Wyoming.  The air was was so crisp and cool that we opted to eat outside on the curb.  

And then to Jackson, Wyoming we drove!

Three Years Later

She would have just turned three.  She was due May 1.  Three years ago.

I can't believe over three years have gone by.  Time is just flying by.  Everyone said it would and it does.  Life with five boys, there's always somewhere to be driving, someone to be helping with homework, someone needing love, someone needing discipline, someone needing a listening ear.  So day by day, the time goes by.  These three years have been wonderful.  The boys are getting so fun as they get older.  I'm really enjoying seeing glimpses of how their adultness and how after they aren't my responsibility anymore, that we might just get along just fine (PLEASE, boys, marry well... because I really want to like your wife too!).  Is it crazy that I'm starting to think about those things?  I just told Graham we were going to have a meeting of the minds right after school ends about college savings and what we expect him to contribute?!  I mean, he was JUST a toddler.

So life is full and glorious.  I don't want this to be a completely depressing post.  But I do miss her.  I still think about her every day.  I pass little girl clothes as Target and let my eyes linger for a few seconds because I see something I know I would have picked out for her.  Nathan told me just yesterday his number one wish was for a baby sister (#2 was all the legos in the world so that's really saying something that a sister ranked above that one!).  Several friends have had baby girls in the last couple of years and so, of course, it makes me wish that I was a part of that.  I even feel like I should be a part of that.  There is still an empty feeling that I often have a hard time fighting.

Having another baby is really the first significant thing in my life that I want, but I can't have.  There's no "rainbow baby" in sight.  In fact, we had another miscarriage a couple of years ago.  I sat there in disbelief in the sonogram room... again... sort of numb because on the one hand, I was expecting it to end this way.  But on the other hand... really?  Who has five miscarriages in a row after having five completely healthy pregnancies?  And what is the purpose in this?  Does there need to be a purpose that we see here on Earth when we suffer?  What does it mean when prayers aren't answered?

I guess I write this post because I know we ALL will have suffering.  We will ALL have things, good things, that our hearts want that God does not give us.  Or we may be given things we never wanted.  There's more hardships to come in my life, I know.  There's no escaping death and dying.  There's no escaping the fact that life is difficult.  There will always be that thing that is just beyond our reach.  But the truth is that longing for that thing reminds of our humanness and our need for a Savior.  We were created with that desire that can only be fulfilled in Christ.  And only FULLY fulfilled in heaven when we are with him.  And we shall see Him as He is.

These are the thoughts stewing around in my mind, the things that I think about when I miss her.  I want to remember all the babies we lost.  They are all a part of our family's story.  My boys know the sanctity of life in a way they wouldn't have otherwise.  They've been tenderhearted when I have cried.  These experiences are bittersweet.  But so much of life is.

I have a hard time picking a favorite hymn, but O Love That Will Not Let me Go, is one I can never sing enough...  These days, they are full of joy, full of laughter, full of sin, full of confession, full of grace, full of longing, sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy, but there IS a love that will never let me go.

O love that will not let me go

I rest my weary soul in thee

I give thee back the life I owe

That in thine ocean depths its flow

My richer, fuller be

O light that followest all my way

I yield my flickering torch to thee

My heart restores its borrowed ray

That in thy sunshines glow its day

May brighter, fairer be

O joy you seek me through the pain

I cannot close my heart to thee

I trace the rainbow through the rain

And feel the promise is not vain

Then morn shall tearless be